Let’s talk monogamy and non-monogamy (polyamory, polygamy, open relationships etc.)!
Lately someone popped the question, “What are your thoughts on monogamy and non-monogamy?” in an open Facebook group, and here are my two cents on the matter:
We each know what is right and true for ourselves. Basically nothing is right or wrong. Therefore I also call BS on anyone generalizing and saying that all men (or all human beings) are non-monogamous. To be honest, then it just sounds more like an excuse to me.
Let’s be honest… monogamy is scary. But I am not talking monogamy in the sense that we know it from most cases in today’s society, because in that sense there is pretty much no difference between monogamy and non-monogamy. The pinnacle – to me – is that kind of monogamy that is a sacred bond and connection, based on co-creation from a place of love, joy, freedom. Instead of it being from a place of lack, loneliness, co-dependency, fear… That to me is not monogamy… Or it actually is, but only in its old way, not in the sense of what I believe monogamy to truly be.
It’s easy to be single. It’s easy to be in that space of half-ass commitments as non-monogamy can be. It might be right for some, sure, but I know what’s true for me… And that is monogamy in the sense as I described it above. I will call it Humanogamy! And still, saying that all men are non-monogamous… I still call BS on that!
Someone wrote in the same thread that monogamy is a construct. I totally agree with that! The same goes for non-monogamy. It is also just a construct. I think they are all constructs. There are zero difference between these constructs. There are zero difference between monogamy and non-monogamy. They are simply constructs, yet constructs that allows us to learn about love and relationships (to learn about ourselves within love and relationships), and to move towards that one sacred connection and bond (that is scary af) that we all seek (which is not two halves meeting, but two whole coming together). Yet most often we get stuck in the constructs. And love doesn’t care about any of these constructs! Love doesn’t care about whether it’s monogamy or non-monogamy or whatever it’s called! Love transcends it all!
What’s true for you? That’s key as well. What’s true for you and what’s true for your partner? Are your own true wants and needs aligned with your partner’s? That’s a way of finding out as well if it’s worth “working” on or not.
In the end we all end up in the same “space” that is the space of love, yet our paths and experiences to get there are obviously very different.
Photograph by Nicolas Stafford (Flickr.com)